Promises I Could Not Keep
by chryseis dione
Summary: I strongly believe in nonconventional fairy tales. This is the tale of Cinderella told by two very different points of view. It is a tale where love and loss go hand in hand, and even the happily ever after ending isn't truly happy, only bittersweet.
1. Default Chapter

This is a Cinderella Story, but from two very different perspectives. This is for everyone who believes that it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Please read and review.  
  
  
  
  
Promises I Could Not Keep  
  
  
  
~~~Loria~~~  
  
My black horse was galloping through the countryside, the wind blowing through my long brown hair. The scent of magnolia blooms was in the air, as well as the mixed scent of the iris and lilacs that grew across the wild fields of flowers. Today there was just something that seemed to be in the air. Spring had come after a long hard winter, and I was ready for the joys it brought. Life had been coming out from a dark tunnel for all of us in the kingdom of Fiore.  
  
As I reached the top of the hill, I spotted another horse by an old tree. The tree was just on the edge of a forest that bordered the royal lands. Grinning, I rode my mare right up to the other horse. This horse, was a rich chocolate color and was patient and unflappable. It could not have been more unlike its owner.  
  
"Loria!" came a shout from above. As I turned around, my best friend dropped out of the tree he had been hiding in. "I've been waiting for you."  
  
"I got your note," I said, holding it up. "You said that something was wrong, so I came right away." In the note, I had gotten the message that we needed to talk in the privacy of out special place. Just recently, my best friend's father had taken ill. The winter took many of the people in the capital city, the cold getting to everyone a little. I myself had gotten a bad case of sniffles when the wintry weather swept through.  
  
My friend stood before me, looking a little worried. It made me a bit uneasy, for he never looked worried. This was the person who started the great snowball war and tumbled me down a snow drift. This was the person who I plotted practical jokes with. This was a young person whose father was dying and needed help. I didn't understand what I could do, but my best friend seemed to have something in mind.  
  
Suddenly, he took my hand, pulling me into the woods. I knew right away where we were headed- to our special place. Deep in the woods, there was a place that we had made, just for us. When we were still young and just friends, we cleaned it up and started to work on it. By now, after 10 years of friendship, it had grown into quite the area. Both of us raced through the wood to the place where flowers grew in the rays of sun that shone down between the trees. Just beyond it, I could make out the sparkling waters of the lake and the island with its weeping willow.  
  
By now, I was getting rather excited. Coren was acting so silly today. At last, we halted in front of the lake. He was making himself busy untying the small raft that was bound to a tree stump that we used as a stake. I walked over to the raft, getting ready to sail across the lake. "Do you want to wait until we get on the island?" I asked, teasing him about waiting to tell me for so long.  
  
"Yeah," came the quick answer as the last knot came untied. Coren stepped onto the raft and reached out a hand to help me on. I accepted it, and he helped pull me onto the homemade raft. Wrapping an arm around me and holding onto me as we pushed off, we lingered a moment. Coren looked in my eyes and I could tell then that his news was important.  
  
We broke apart and he began to pole across the rather shallow lake. He was always such a gentleman, doing the rowing for us. We used to share the duty equally, but he was going through a chivalrous phase, and who was I to argue about doing more of the work? I sat down on the raft, reaching down to let the sparkling silver blue water run across my hand.  
  
"It sure is a nice day," I remarked, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"I guess," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "It's better than what we have been putting up with."  
  
"I am glad the rain stopped," I agreed, wondering why he was being so serious. He was usually a ball of energy, going all over the place and pulling me after him. At last, we landed against the shore of the very small island. It was just big enough for the tree and a crude bench with a little room left over. I climbed off the raft up onto the shore, letting skirts drag in the dirt as I went.  
  
"Oops," I muttered, a little too late to avoid getting dirty. Behind me, Coren was chuckling.  
  
"You always do manage to get yourself dirty," he said with a grin, climbing off the raft and onto the shore. I helped pull him up onto the bank and he tied the raft to a tree branch.  
  
"You're one to talk," I said. For good measure, I took a little bit of dirt and painted it in a line down his nose. He laughed, and both of us just stood there enjoying the closeness we could share out here. Both of us were truly alone, truly free. I loved watching him smile, for it happened far too rarely. Coren was rather handsome before; with his smile he was even more handsome. "You ought to smile more," I remarked.  
  
"I know," came his answer. "You need to grin and cackle less."  
  
"You know you don't mind my 'cackle' at all," I shot back, walking over and sitting down on the bench. We had made a bench out of a few stumps of wood and a plank we had lain across it and nailed down. It was very crude, but it worked well enough. Coren sat down beside me.  
  
"I really don't. It's just so unladylike."  
  
"Since when do I need to be ladylike?" I asked. He just shook his head, but I knew that I was right. I didn't need to be cultured or well mannered. My position was one of an animal keeper on the palace grounds. I spent my days brushing and feeding horses, running with the royal hounds, and playing with a royal barn full of kittens. It was not a bad job, in fact I rather enjoyed it. It gave me the freedom to do what I loved. There were times when I helped in the kitchen as well. My mother had been a cook before she died.  
  
My parents had died a few years before of a short illness. Both had worked at the palace, just like I do now. My mother was one of the cooks and my father held the title of Royal Groom. He always knew the ways of animals, and taught me the same. I loved learning about them, never really connecting the fact that people were much like animals in many ways. One thing in particular I had learned was that the key to truly seeing someone's nature was through their eyes.  
  
Right now, Coren's stormy blue eyes seemed to be more stormy than ever. My happy, excited mood ceased. "What's wrong?" I asked cautiously. He took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. That was when I knew things were going to be bad.  
  
"I just want to hold onto this as long as I can," he said softly. I frowned, taking his hand in mine.  
  
"We will always have this. This will always be our place. Just remember- whenever the world outside gets to be too much, come here, to our special place. I will be waiting for you," I reassured him as he lay his head on my shoulder.  
  
"It cannot always be that way," he said miserably. "Only for now, for these last few precious moments of Spring." The finality of his tone unsettled me.  
  
"What do you mean, only now?" I asked him. "Is something wrong?" He sat up again, taking my hands in his.  
  
"You know that what we have is going to end someday, don't you?" he asked. That took me aback. He never talked like this before. With Coren, it was always the here and now. Our future planning went maybe as far as planning another prank on the guards at the palace.  
  
"I don't know what you mean," I told him. "Why would it have to end? This never has to end if we don't want it to." My heart was growing more and more confused, fearing the outcome of this conversation.  
  
"My father has announced that it's time I got married." That shocked me.  
  
"Well then, let's get married," I said, thinking I had found the solution to that. "We're 18 and we've known each other for years and years. Why can't you just tell your father that?"  
  
"I tried," he admitted. "Father wanted me to marry someone more..." He paused, not wanting me to hurt my feelings. "Someone else," he recovered. I hung my head. I knew what he was talking about.  
  
"I wish you weren't a prince," I complained, leaning my head on his shoulder this time. It gave us so little freedom, so little time. No one had cared when he was a very young boy. He had been allowed to run free and practice with his wooden toy sword. It so happened that I like fencing with sticks and branches, so we made good play mates. No one thought anything of letting two small children play together. As a child, there is no class, only playmates. It was growing older that made everything worse.  
  
Lines are always drawn when you grow up. By the time we were twelve, we were beginning to realize our differences. He was the prince of Fiore and I was just an orphaned servant girl. The entire world seemed to be against us. Still, we did what we could while they let us. Our free time could still be spent together, here in our special place. Now, his words were shattering the world we'd built together.  
  
"You have to marry someone else? Are you going to do it?" I asked, extremely upset that his father had suggested it. "Wouldn't your father know better than to split..."  
  
"I haven't told him about us being together," came the reply. "All I did was suggest that I marry you, someone that I sort of know. I was too afraid to tell him how much I really do care. If I did, I wouldn't be here now. He believes in the old traditions, my father."  
  
"I know," I said softly, letting the reality of it sink in. "I know."  
  
"I wish it were different," he told me, trying to soften the blow. "I really do, but it can't change it. All we've got is the time we have left." The tears threatened to come, but I held them back. Coren would need my strength to face this. He had always needed my strength and his to face the future he knew he had. He wasn't the type of person who really craved being a leader. Never wanting to be a figurehead, he just wanted to be normal.  
  
With me it was the opposite. I figured that to be together, I would have to be a noble. I'd already confronted the fact that I wasn't exactly a well bred lady. My face was a bit sunburned from riding horses and my hands were rough from working in the earth. I wasn't fine and pale like a lady and I was not as graceful and elegant as a lady. Coren always protested that there was beauty in all things. He held that the way I worked in the earth outside the stable planting flowers was beauty. He told me that grace was in the way I could ride a horse across a moor, galloping into the wind and being almost at one with my black mare. I always disagreed. I haven't forgotten the one time he decided it would be funny if I went to one of the formal balls.  
  
That had been an escapade. I ended up lapsing into a very uncultured accent and stepping on several toes before tripping over the train of the dress he stole for me. That had been so embarrassing. When I thought about it, I did not feel like facing a life of that kind of thing. I truly hated the laws and customs that bound Coren to the throne of Fiore.  
  
"I wish things could be different," I told him. He nodded in assent.  
  
"So do I. You have no idea how much I wish the same thing." He sighed in frustration. "It will be so hard to have to choose another when I already know who I want." The unfairness of it all was just too much.  
  
"Why do we have to choose? Just tell your father that we are going to marry each other."  
  
"I already tried," he told me again. No matter how many times he had to tell me, I would never accept it. I felt as if my life were on the brink now. Our lives and love were like being on this island- isolated and happy, but always having to return to the outside world where the happiness could not be.  
  
"Is there any way at all?" I asked finally.  
  
"I will search for one for the rest of my days," he answered. he shifter and I sat up, looking him straight in the eyes. His eyes were so sincere, and he said something that I think I have been waiting all my life to hear from him. "I promise that no matter what happens, I will love you and only you for all my life."  
  
"And I will always love you, as long as I live and beyond."  
  
*************************  
  
~~~Lucian~~~  
  
I was waiting in the market, holding onto the tiny package in my hands. People bumped me on either side, which startled me at first. I'm not much of a fan for places this crowded, but it was just about the only place we could arrange to meet. Scanning through the endless hordes of people, I searched for my target. At last, I spotted it and walked over. All around me, there were people, haggling over the costs of the wares each merchant had to sell.  
  
"How much for that yarn?"  
  
"Will you buy this milk?"  
  
"Two pieces of silver and that's my final offer."  
  
"Excuse me," came a gentle voice from behind me. "Would you buy these chickens? They've been raised on pure grain, and are all beauties, I assure you." I turned around and watched as she bargained with the merchant. "I couldn't sell for under five silver pieces of course."  
  
"Five? What about four?" came the rough answer.  
  
"No less than five. This particularly fine hen ought to sell for about seven pieces. That was what I was offered for it at first. The man said he could sell it for as much as sixteen silver pieces. However, I thought that I would come here to see what a fine merchant like you would give for this prize chicken."  
  
"A chicken worth sixteen silver? Eight, then, and that's my final offer."  
  
"Thank you sir," she said, handing him the cage with the hen in it and taking the silver he offered her. I grinned as I watched the exchange. She always appears to be such a gentle and meek young woman, but she was the best bargainer in Fiore. As she went to walk away, I saw her looking for me. Our eyes met and I began to move towards her.  
  
"Hi, Ella," I said, my grin remaining on my face. I know I must have looked so silly, but she smiled back. She always smiled so easily, especially when we could spend time together.  
  
"Hello Lucian. Thanks for walking me home again." I nodded and we set off through the market.  
  
"How are you?" I asked right away. I always have to worry about her. Brushing a stray wisp of her immaculate blonde hair back, I looked at the fading bruise on her cheek.  
  
"I'm fine. They've all managed to keep their tempers this week." She said it so nonchalantly, but I was getting truly worried.  
  
"How can they do this to you?" I demanded, getting a little angry at those who had hurt her. "I thought they were your family."  
  
"Step-family," she corrected. "It's all right though. They really can't control their tempers. They were never taught to control them."  
  
"That doesn't mean they can hurt you as they please. You deserve more than that, Ella." She just shook her head like she always does. It tears me apart every time she just shrugs me off. She builds more barriers than anyone else I've ever known. On the outside, you would never guess what kind of person Ella really was.  
  
The thing that seemed to draw me to her at first was some sort of magnetism. She is just personable and friendly. When you meet her, she makes you feel comfortable and at ease, as if you've known her for years and years even if it has only been a few minutes. Besides that, she is beautiful in ways that others can never be. Ella was gifted with thick, soft blonde hair that seems to sparkle like gold in the sunlight. Her eyes are as blue as the summer sky. Her complexion is rather amazing, for she rarely gets sunburns and has no freckles. I suppose it can be attributed to all the years she was kept inside.  
  
"How are your stepmother and sisters?" I asked politely, trying not to let my anger at them show through in my voice.  
  
"They are fine," she answered, just as politely. "Anastria and Decilia are terribly excited about the prince's ball in a few more days."  
  
"It's gotten everyone excited," I said. All the young men in the city were cursing the prince right about now. Every eligible girl in the kingdom had her hopes up about the ball. Even commoners would be coming, I heard. It was a pity that the commoners would have no chance of living out 'every girl's dream.' Only nobles would even be considered for the prince's hand.  
  
"They've already planned out what they're going to wear," Ella continued. "Verisa has commissioned two necklaces bearing the family crest to be made for them to wear." Her stepmother, Verisa, was of a noble house. She had married Ella's father, also a noble. However, in the chaos of the funeral preparations for the belated Lord Andrius, his daughter Ella was lost into the inner chambers of their mansion. Everyone outside seemed to forget her.  
  
That was when Verisa turned her into a servant in her own home. I met her about four years after her servitude began, when we were both fourteen. She was so quiet and polite when she delivered a package to our small manor on the corner of town. I had answered the door, fortunately. She was charming and friendly, and it was getting late. I did what manners obligated me to do. I walked her home.  
  
Since then, we've had a friendship like none I've ever had before. "Everyone's getting so nervous about this whole ball thing. Amazing how one eligible guy can create such a stir," I remarked, thinking about the situation.  
  
"He is the prince, Lucian," she told me, a certain musical note to her voice. I know that I must have frowned a bit. She went on, though. "I suppose it would be nice to go to the ball. I haven't been to one in ever so long. They were so wonderful, too. I did love accompanying Mother and Father and dancing until I was shooed back with a nurse to go to bed." She sighed in remembrance.  
  
My mind darted back to those days. I had attended the same balls, finding them terribly frightening. There were just too many people bustling around and asking questions of me. I must have been asked who my parents were thirty times. I always hate that. It is as if we are determined by who are parents are.  
  
My parents are not so bad, being a minor lord and lady from a country manor. They are kind enough not to care much about what I do, as long as my education is good and my manners are proper in front of them and company. They seem to understand that there is life beyond balls and cotillions. I am ever thankful for that. If it weren't for my parent's wonderful laxness, I would not be out here walking Ella the servant girl home.  
  
Then again, Ella really isn't a servant girl. She ought to be a fine lady, and still is despite the lack of formal title. She had the grace of a lady and the poise of one twice as wealthy as she was in reality. Years of balancing baskets of laundry lent her a grace like no other. Waltzing about and dusting was like a complicated dance. Even when she was forced to do such degrading tasks, she could make them look easy and lovely.  
  
We continued to walk on the road to her house. She was rather quiet, only breaking her stride to stop and push a single rogue wisp of hair behind her ear. It frustrated her enormously to have her hair misbehave. To me, she had confessed it was her one proud vanity that she allowed herself. It didn't not seem overly proud to me, but then again, I believed that everything about her was beautiful.  
  
I had told her that once, a long while ago. She laughed and threw her arms around my shoulders and told me that I was wonderful as well. We had been together almost constantly since then, walking between our houses with the excuse of some errand or another. My parents never questioned me too much. They must have accepted that what I was doing was the work of a young man in love. They were perfectly correct.  
  
I had come to visit her once and heard her sweet voice resonating through the hall as she scrubbed the floor. Timidly, I had knocked on the door, not wanting her to stop. Her voice was sweeter than any bird's to my ears. She was like this perfect being, almost. That was why I admired her so much.  
  
"I do wish I could go to the ball," she said with another small sigh. "It would be so wonderful, just to go to another one again. Just to be free of all their orders and tempers and everything and just be myself. How I wish I could go."  
  
"If you want to," I said, feeling a little bit braver, "then you will. If you choose, you shall go and spend the entire night there." She looked up at me with a sparkle in her blue eyes.  
  
"But how?"  
  
"I will see to it. There's no point in being a lord's son if you can't do something with the title. I'll find a way to get you there." Before I knew it, she had flung her arms around me.  
  
"Oh, thank you, Lucian. I'm ever so grateful to you."  
  
"You can thank me later," I laughed, pleased to see her reaction. It was gratifying to be able to help her. In a way it made me feel a little bit better. "Just save a dance for me," I told her as she stepped away again.  
  
"I will. I promise." Her smile was enough, and a dance with her would be all the thanks I wanted or needed. I knew that I was foolish to fall in love with her, but there everyone who knew Ella realized that there was just something about her. We continued on for a way, with her being abnormally quiet. The only noise that pierced the silence was the sound of her humming. I really hate awkward silences. It's so hard to figure out just what to say to interrupt it without sounding rude. Therefore, we just continued on in silence.  
  
In my head, I was thinking of how to help her with this ball business. There were certain things that women needed for balls. I thought through the things that Mother always wore. Ella would need a dress of some sort. My mother would have that covered, of course. She was good at finding things like that. It was also fortunate that my mother had something of a soft spot for Ella, having known her parents and her present condition.  
  
At last, she spoke up. "I'm getting close to home now, Lucian," she told me, her voice sounding a little upset.  
  
"Oh," came my response, looking back at her. "I suppose we are getting close." Both of us paused. Usually, she would turn and go now, but now she was hesitating. Then, she spoke again.  
  
"I want to thank you again for helping me, Lucian. It's so wonderful to have someone I can trust, someone that I know can take care of me."  
  
"I would always take care of you," I found myself saying. I didn't know what made me so brave, but the words flew out before I could stop them. Ella just stopped, a strange light in her eyes.  
  
"You mean that?" she asked, her voice small and quiet. There was something more to it, though. Could it be hope?  
  
"Of course I did," I reassured her. Now that the subject had come up, I might as well be honest. "You deserve someone to care for you Ella. I know you can care for yourself, but you deserve a little help, No one should be alone in this world." She moved in closer, leaning on a fence and listened as I talked. I leaned on the fence as well, the world seeming to stop as we stood there.  
  
"What about you?" she asked finally.  
  
"What about me?" Now I was just confused.  
  
"Don't you deserve someone as well? You're always so wonderful to me, Lucian, and I've been so awful to you."  
  
"No you haven't," I objected right away. "You've been wonderful. I'm happier when I'm with you, Ella."  
  
"Thanks you," she said again. "You really do deserve so much, Lucian. Only I know that you don't need my help to find it."  
  
"What if I do?" I asked her, hoping I wouldn't have to come right out and say it.  
  
"Then I will help you as much as you helped me. Promise." She smiled, a true smile. Then, she spoke again. "I would love it if you would accompany me to the ball."  
  
"I would like that too," I finally managed to say. Still smiling, she stood up straight.  
  
"Should I come over to your mansion, then?" she asked. "Since you will have the dress and all?"  
  
"No," I told her. For a moment, the smile dropped and I worried that I had said the wrong thing. "I'll send a carriage for you once your stepmother and sisters leave." With that last comment, Ella threw her arms around him.  
  
"You are wonderful, Lucian." Then, she stepped back. "Thank you for everything you've done." I just stood there, watching her go. Still, I had a question in my heart. Did she really feel for me the way I felt for her? As a young man that had long admired someone, I fervently hoped that she did. It is so easy when you are young and foolish to fall in love. It is so easy when you are in love to fall. What I fool I was, to think that happiness could last. 


	2. Chapter Two

~Loria~  
  
I sat there in the cathedral, barely able to stand the situation. The thing I had been fearing all my life had happened. Standing by, I had been forced to watch it. Now the final deed was sealed. My life seemed to be falling to shambles. Through my misery, the words of the priest droned through. "We are gathered here today to join Prince Coren of Fiore and Lady Ella Denseta in holy matrimony..."  
  
I wanted to cry. I knew that I wouldn't be the only one. Many of the other 'eligible maidens' were crying at the loss of the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom. They were crying for a dream, though. I wanted to weep for a memory. That was all that remained to me now. A memory of days gone by, days of wonderful bliss. Those days were long gone, crushed under the new bride's glass slippers.  
  
The ball had gone off without a hitch. Coren had, of course, wanted me to come. "You are always my strength, Loria," he had pleaded. I, in turn, had said no. I wasn't about to watch him fall in love with anyone else. Separation was best, I told myself. If I didn't see him with someone else, my heart wouldn't ache as much. I could keep the memories rather than the picture of him dancing with some noble or another. He had begged me, though. "I won't be able to go through with it without you to help me."  
  
"Then maybe I shouldn't go," I joked darkly. It wasn't funny, but it was an attempt.  
  
"Please? Just one more night Loria. One dance?"  
  
"I hate dancing. Besides, I'm a just a 'lowly commoner,' remember? I've haven't got a dress to wear, no training, nothing."  
  
"The dress issue can be remedied," he had protested. "I really do need you, Loria. I just want as much time as we have left." In the end, I had given in to his pleading gaze. He was just the opposite of me, the silly fool. Coren wanted to be together right up until the end. I wondered if he would ever be able to sever our ties. In my heart, I told myself that he couldn't. Then I watched as he fulfilled his duty to King and country. He had chosen a bride from amongst the powdered, painted, perfect ladies that lined up before him. I watched him those last few moments before he went up to a young blonde woman and asked her to dance.  
  
Just before that, we had our last dance together. He had been able to sneak off and meet me to the side of the crowd where few would see us. I curtsied, trying hard not to trip over the skirt of the green dress he found for me to wear. As much as I hated wearing the court fashion, a promise was a promise. My strength was needed tonight. It was necessary to be here for my best friend, and my love.  
  
His fingers intertwined with mine, and I could feel him guide me across the dance floor. All I could do was follow and hope I did not step on his feet. He was better than me, having taken dancing lessons since he could walk. We danced on as long as we could. Every moment seemed to be stolen away, passing too quickly and yet so slowly at the same time. I had given into the temptation at last, and rested my head against his shoulder. Just as our last dance ended, he whispered something in my ear. "We will remain always, Loria." Then, just before he turned to go. "I will always love you and you alone."  
  
With that, he was gone from my arms, off to attend to his guests that were waiting. As he stepped away, I could only watch him go. He was gone from me and all our love was suddenly floating away. Never again, I told myself. Never again could we love each other as we did before this moment. At the moment, I faced the life ahead of me, being forced to watch as it all unfolded.  
  
The line filed past him, and Coren showed little interest. He didn't care is Baroness So-and-So was this person's daughter or how much land each duchess's father owned. All he cared about was picking one and getting on with his own life trying to live with himself. The line continued on past him, filled with nobles. Every once in a while, when a particularly rich young lady passed him, his parents would give him a reproving glance. He would sigh, and all I could do was watch as he bowed formally and gave the obligatory smile. Each one broke my heart, in the strange way that every action seemed to do at the time.  
  
It was a bit after the ball began that she came in. Regally, a lovely blonde woman wearing a blue gown descended the stairs. Her gown was fairly simple, but looked as if it was made for a Faery princess. Her bearing was more royal than that of the princesses of many visiting countries. There was no announcement for her, but rather than spoken words announcing her entrance, there was silence. I looked up at her and realized the kind of person she was.  
  
This was one of those beauties that seem to have it all. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant knot in the back of her head, a curly tendril of gold hanging on each side of her face. There were pearls hanging about her neck, giving her the look of a River Faery. She was pale and lovely, her composure quiet and humble. Demure and perfect, this girl stood in the middle of the dance floor. She must have been confused, but with the aura she seemed to have, it appeared natural.  
  
I must confess, I greatly disliked her at first. There are very few people in this world that were blessed with beauty. It was a rare gift of the gods, and she had received this gift. From the start, I could tell that she was the quiet, kind type. It angered me badly, especially when Coren moved politely forward to greet her.  
  
Then, the orchestra struck up and before I knew it, she was gliding across the dance floor with him. I had to watch the one I loved in another's arms. It didn't help that the other was this lovely girl. For a moment, I truly feared that he might fall in love with her. Still, when I looked at him, I could tell immediately that this was not love he felt.  
  
The king and queen were glaring at him to do or say something. I could tell that it was bothering him as he grew paler and paler. I was frowning, but I tried to smile when he looked my way. His parents spotted me as well, unfortunately. They obviously did not enjoy my presence. Their fears went unproved. I did not speak to him again that night. I merely sat back and watched with painful restraint as he danced with the blonde beauty.  
  
Her blue eyes, the same color as her dress, seemed to scan the crowd and her surroundings. At almost twelve, she suddenly took off in the middle of a dance. With a knowing look on my face, I glanced over at Fiero's king and queen. They looked frantic, absolutely aghast at the hasty exit. No one seemed to know quite what was going on.  
  
As Coren went out the door, following her with a puzzled look on his face, I turned to leave. He didn't need my help any longer. Besides that, I could not stand to watch the parade of people any longer. The commoners still bustled about in their own corner, enjoying the ball quite thoroughly. It was the nobles who were all a flutter over this odd occurrence. I just fled the entire thing. I didn't belong here. I belonged with Coren, but even that wasn't meant to be.  
  
Now, I was sitting in a cathedral watching a wedding I did not care to witness. All I could do was sit there and listen as the priest asked my love if he would take Lady Ella to be his wife. "I do." Those two words seemed to curse me to a world of eternal misery. As in the ball, I quietly slipped out of the cathedral before he could kiss the bride, as was tradition. I couldn't watch that. It was too much.  
  
Why was she a commoner? The one thing that kept us apart was our class and rank. It was my lack of training and breeding that kept me from being in that cathedral with the one I loved right now. In the end, it was another commoner that married him. That was not the way it was supposed to be.  
  
Right after the ball, the King ordered that the girl who left so quickly was to be found and made the next princess. Coren had gone along with them reluctantly, seeing it as the lesser of evils. They had searched everywhere for the girl. Only one thing could help them- she had lost a slipper while running. Whoever could produce the shoe's mate would marry the prince.  
  
In the end, it was a quiet servant girl of the Denseta house, one who was immediately recognized as the girl from the ball. It was hidden that she was a commoner and she was endowed with honorary titles to cover it up. After all, finding out that the belle of the ball was a servant would be disastrously embarrassing. So the arrangements were made and my Coren was married off to the dainty thing. I hated her without even knowing her.  
  
I hated her for being so much like me. She was a servant. And yet, because of beauty and charm, she had won her way into the hearts that mattered- those of the King and Queen and of the Court. I hated her beauty, for I had very little. However, it was society (and the King and Queen in particular) that I hated most. Hatred was safer than love anyway. Hatred will not hurt you like love will.  
  
Outside the cathedral, the wedding carriage was waiting to take the prince and princess back to the castle. The carriage drivers were not there; they must have been in at the wedding. Before I could think better of it, I found myself walking up to the carriage and opening the door. I climbed into it, careful not to trip over my skirts. It was so beautiful, with velvet seats and elegant curtains over the windows. Every where was the royal red, lined with gold that hinted at power and wealth. I envied her. This is where I should have been.  
  
That was gone, I told myself. It was all gone. I climbed out of the carriage and wandered over to the other side of the cathedral grounds. The cemetery stood there, stretching out in a forest of marble that marked the graves of many of Fiore's citizens. On a bench by this cemetery was a young man. He had long dark hair that had the slightest bit of curl. As I approached, he looked up at me.  
  
His brown eyes were the saddest I had ever seen. He looked absolutely crushed, and I wondered why he was out here. "Is something wrong?" I asked him. He nodded slowly. It is true when they say that misery loves company. "What happened to you?" I asked. He only looked over at me with a sad look in his eyes.  
  
"I lost the only woman I've ever loved." From the depths of my heart, I understood.  
  
~Lucian~  
  
I hadn't been able to sit through the ceremony. I left before she even said 'I do.' My heart was so fractured that I didn't think I could stand to hear those two words that were so damning. In that moment in time, I hated the prince of Fiore. He had Ella, my perfect Ella, forever. She would make such a lovely queen, that much I knew. I should have known that the prince would have chosen her right away.  
  
As I sat in the back of the church thinking, I heard a noise. There was someone coming. Before I looked up, the thought ran through my mind. Perhaps it was Ella, coming to say that she hadn't been able to go through with it, that she couldn't bear to spend her entire life with him, but loving me. As I looked up, I realized that it wasn't her.  
  
The woman walking up to me was not a noble lady. Her clothes were that of a commoners. They were neat, clean, but made of a more common fabric rather than the noble silks, satins, and brocades. She was so unlike Ella, her gait being a little bit more awkward. There were freckles on her face and her eyes were hazel colored. A braid of brown hair hung down her back. Her face looked so determined, yet sad at the same time. Perhaps she was here to say prayers for a loved one in the graveyard. I couldn't help worrying about what she would think of me.  
  
Then, she came over and spoke to me. She asked me if there was something wrong, and what happened to me to make me so sad. There was nothing I could do but tell her honestly. Perhaps sharing this sadness would make it a little less painful. I began from the very beginning, how I became great friends with a servant girl. Then, I began to speak of the ball. I can still picture everything in my mind.  
  
I had picked her up from her house in our carriage. My mother and father declined to come with me to fetch her, saying that they would come along later. That way, they could go home early when they tired and we young people could stay on a while longer. So I had the carriage stop at her house, bringing with me her dress.  
  
She greeted me at the door, a smile on her face. Ella was sparkling clean, and had already applied her makeup, which looked lovely. She didn't need it to be beautiful, but now her beauty was heightened. I couldn't believe how much she would look like an angel when she wore her dress. I handed the garments to her as I walked in the door, and she thanked me profusely.  
  
I waited near the foyer while she was upstairs changing. I could just imagine the two of us, dressed in the costumes of a lord and lady, gliding across the ballroom at the palace. It was like a dream come true for me. I had loved her always, and to be with her all night at the ball would be heaven. I was thinking of this when I looked up and saw her.  
  
To my surprise, she looked a bit nervous. Her white gloved hands swirled the skirt about. "Do I look all right?" she asked me. There was only one possible answer to that question.  
  
"You look beautiful." The dress mother had chosen for her was simple, but elegant and perfect for her. It was a color of blue that seemed to match her eyes. The silk seemed to flow like water over her thin frame. It was a bit big for her, so she cinched the waist with a sash of deeper blue. Her hair was tied in its elegant knot with a blue ribbon. A pearl necklace hung around her neck. She had elegant white elbow length satin gloves that were the fashion now.  
  
She descended the stairs, appearing to be a fairy princess. I loved her in that moment for all her grace and beauty and wonder. I loved her for her kindness, and for everything else that she was. As she took my arm and smiled at me, my heart melted. It would belong to her forever. My lady and I went out of the house and climbed into the carriage to go to the ball.  
  
On the way there, we had chatted casually about what the ball would be like. I had been to more than she had, but remembered little. I listened as her imagination spun a picture of the royal ball. "The way I picture it," she began, "it will be as if the entire room is in the realm of heaven. The music will come from the harps and lutes and a choir of angels. As we dance, it will be as if we are really floating in the air. Time will slow, so that each moment can be captured and remembered forever."  
  
"You always do think of the most fanciful things," I told her. "I'm sure that it will be as you said it will be."  
  
"It will be, because of you." That caught me off guard. Her smiling face turned to me, the look in her eyes different than I had ever seen them before. "You have done more for me than anyone else ever has. You are the son of a lord, yet you would be friends with a servant girl. You do all this for me. I can do nothing in return for you, and I feel so badly. Lucian, when the night is over, there is something I have to talk to you about." I only nodded, not sure what it was that she wanted to say.  
  
We arrived at the ball itself soon afterwards. As I had worried, we were frightfully late. I had wanted to make sure that I wouldn't run into her stepmother and stepsisters, because if they knew Ella was going to the ball, they would be outrages. They had enough reasons to abuse her without that, and I didn't want to give them any further cause to hurt her. I knew that she had used powder to cover up the bruises for tonight.  
  
As it turned out, the servants who took the carriages away and the horses to the stable were gone. I sighed, getting out. My coachman could take the carriage away, but I would have to take the horses. I agreed readily, not wanting to spend too much time at the ball anyway. Seeing Ella's impatient face, I told her to go on in without me. I would meet her inside in a little while.  
  
She agreed, letting go of the arm I had offered her to escort her in. "I'll be waiting for you inside, then. I'll save the first dance for you." With that, she stepped away, still smiling that incredible smile at me. I just watched her walk away, never knowing that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.  
  
"Is it Lady Ella Denseta that you're talking about?" the brown haired women asked me, interrupting the story.  
  
"Yes, it is. You must think me to be a terrible fool, now. Yes, I am speaking of the woman who is marrying the prince today. I am sorry if my words are treason, but I can not help it. This marriage is a nightmare for me. I couldn't stay there." As I looked over at her, I noticed a sad look in her eyes as well.  
  
"I know exactly how you feel. My name is Loria. For so many years now, I... I have loved Coren."  
  
"Prince Coren?" I demanded. "And has he loved you?"  
  
"Always," the woman said quietly. "Always have, and I hope that this will change, but he said that he always will." At these words, the outrage was growing within me.  
  
"That's idiotic. Why didn't you marry him? What happened that he had to choose another girl? What made him take Ella away from me?" I was so angry, thinking that there was the possibility that I could have kept Ella from marrying the stranger, that I could have avoided the whole situation.  
  
"I am a servant, my lord, not a fine lady. I don't have manners or beauty of any of the qualities of a princess. When it came to a marriage with the prince, I didn't have a chance." Her determined face was slowly losing its strength, and I could tell she wanted to weep. Not a single tear leaked out so far, even though she seemed just barely on the brink. I offered her a handkerchief.  
  
"Please, call me Lucian."  
  
"I will not cry, Lucian. I made him a promise not long ago, and a promise to myself as well. I will not cry, ever again. I have to be strong, for him and for myself." I greatly admired the young woman beside me. She was stronger than I could ever be. Still, it was the same pain we faced. There was silence a while before she asked me a question. "Do you know why she ran out?" I nodded and continued my story.  
  
I had put the horses in their stable and went into the ballroom. It was indeed as grand as I had imagined it to be. The entire place was decorated festively for the occasion. Everywhere there were people dancing. I was not worried about finding Ella. Even in a crowd, I knew she would stand out among all others, or at least to me she would. She has a radiance like that.  
  
Then I saw her. The prince himself was speaking to her, and she looked so worried, her eyes daring around. Before she could see me, I saw the prince take her onto the dance floor. My heart was sinking so fast. What am I compared to a prince? This Coren of yours is charming, I suppose, and I thought for sure that she was lost. I know that you can imagine what I felt in those helpless moments.  
  
The young woman nodded. "I understand completely." I went on to tell what happened next.  
  
I watched them for some time. She looked so lovely there, dancing with the prince as best she could. Some of the steps caught her off guard, I knew, but she never showed it. There were whispers around me that she was a foreign princess who did not wish anyone to know her true identity. Others thought that she was a river faery. Indeed, it was as if she had wings that carried her across the dance floor.  
  
It got to be so much that I couldn't stay and watch it. She seemed to be enjoying herself without me. I thought that perhaps she had forgotten me and the promise she made to dance with me. In the arms of a prince, who could remember the plain son of a minor lord? So I decided to leave her alone. I thought that since she had forgotten me, she wouldn't miss me. I just decided to walk home by myself. It was a long way, but I was ready to do anything to get away from the sight of the two of them together.  
  
I left, going back up the staircase with its burgundy carpet. At the top, I paused, looking back behind me. I looked at Ella, who was still dancing with his highness. During the waltz, she turned and saw me. Our eyes met, and I knew that I must have looked so sad and distressed. Still, I whispered good-bye under my breath and looked at her in all her splendor one last time. As I walked out, the clock chimed the first toll that signaled midnight had approached.  
  
As I was walking out, I heard someone behind me. Then, all of a sudden, her voice stopped me. "Wait!" Ella called. "Lucian, wait for me!" She wouldn't let me leave. Catching up to me, she walked alongside me. "If you're leaving, then I'll leave, too."  
  
I shook my head. "No. You were having a good time at the ball. Don't force yourself to leave because of me. I will leave the carriage here for you."  
  
"It's not that," she admitted. As I looked at her, I saw the frustration in her face. A wisp of hair was escaping the knot that was tied by the ribbon. I brushed it back, and she gave me a sad smile. "I would like to leave now. I can't go back in there." I almost understood her, and was strangely thankful for her words. Calling the coachman, she and I got the horses and we readied the carriage.  
  
We left the royal palace together, the situation between us awkward. I said nothing. My heart was still broken. Then, she said something I wasn't expecting. "I really was waiting for you, Lucian. I was going to save the first dance for you. You can't imagine how nervous I was, being in the middle of such a sea of fine people."  
  
"You shone above them all," I whispered. "You didn't look nervous at all.:  
  
"Well, I was," she argued. "Then, as I waited for you, His highness, Prince Coren himself walked up to me. I didn't know quite what to do or say, Lucian. I curtsied, as was polite, and then he asked me to dance. How was I to refuse a prince?" My hopes sank. Of course she wouldn't refuse a prince. "That was when I tried to say that I couldn't."  
  
"What?" Her statement caught me completely off guard. I hadn't expected it in the least.  
  
"I said that I couldn't dance, that I was waiting. He insisted, Lucian. He said that as my prince, he requested the pleasure of this dance. What could I do? Directly disobey the prince of Fiore. I had no other choice but to dance with him. All the while, I was looking for you. Then I saw you leaving. You looked so sad, and I knew that it was all my fault. I am so sorry, Lucian. I didn't mean for things to turn out like they did." She sat there, and looked as if she was in despair.  
  
"I wanted so badly to go find you, Lucian. Once I started dancing with His Highness, we danced again and again. I don't know why we danced so much. There was something about the prince that seemed... artificial, almost. I can't quite describe it."  
  
Once more, the woman named Loria cut in. "His heart wasn't in it. All Coren wanted to do was find the first pretty girl in the room that his parents approved of so he could get on with life. He knew that he had no choice. He just wanted to get the thing over with."  
  
"Why did he have to pick Ella?" I demanded. In my heart, I knew the reason. The prince was probably looking for the first pretty girl he saw. Ella had stood out to me as the most lovely girl at the ball. I should have known that I wouldn't be the only one to notice. She didn't answer my question, so I continued my narrative of what had happened.   
  
We reached her house, and she stopped, not getting out of the carriage. She apologized to me again. "I'm sorry, Lucian. I'm so sorry. Please, come inside with me for a minute." I obliged, and followed her. We went inside and she sat me down in the foyer, saying she would go upstairs and change and I could get the dress back. I agreed, a little disappointed that getting the dress and things back was the only reason for coming in with her. I don't know what gave me such high expectations.  
  
Then, she came through a side door to the hall of the manor. Leading me inside, I realized that she had lit candles in the room, which was used by her stepmother for parties. The candlelight sparkled in the crystal holders, and moonlight poured in from the window. I didn't dare to tell her, but to me, the whole setting was better even than the palace had been.  
  
"I promised you a dance," she whispered, still dressed in her ball gown and pearls. "I don't intend on going back on my promises." That is how we came to dance. In the candle lit hall of her manor, we waltzed. There was no music, and I hummed a simple tune in her ear. It was perhaps the happiest time of my life. I almost let myself believe that things might turn out happily ever after.  
  
After a while, we stopped, knowing that her step family would soon be home. As we slowed to a stop, I couldn't help what I said. "You are so beautiful tonight," I found myself saying. "It's no wonder everyone wanted to dance with you."  
  
"You always say that, Lucian," she said. "Do you really think so?"  
  
"Of course I do. I love you, Ella." The words seemed to come from some hidden part of me that I never knew before. I feared that she would pull away, a horrified look on her face.  
  
"I love you, too, Lucian. I could never love anyone more than I love you." Those five words were so amazing. I don't think any other words could be as sweet. They revolutionized the world for me. All those years that were full of uncertainty were answered. I knew in my heart that this was the moment.  
  
"Marry me, Ella," I had asked her. "Marry me, and I will take you away from this place. You won't ever have to worry about them ever again. I will take care of you for the rest of your life. I will love you for the rest of my life and beyond. With a ring on your finger, we can go to the balls together. We can dance until dawn. I would love you for the rest of my life as I've loved you for years.:  
  
"I will, Lucian," she told me, throwing her arms around my neck. I lifted her up before realizing that she was missing her shoes. I pointed it out to her, and we began to look for it everywhere. At last, we found one on the carriage. She had left the other at the ball. I was a bit upset, because her slippers were very delicate, made of glass. I went back to look at the other, but never found it. The prince had it, of course. Still, I had Ella, and that was what mattered.  
  
I think it was the next morning that the prince came for her. She had the matching slipper of course, and didn't know the nature of the inquiry until the ordeal was over. So in the end, I lost her. I heard from her stepsisters that she was mumbling herself about being promised to another, but was told that it wouldn't be possible. The royal family had made too big a deal of finding the girl with the glass shoes, and they couldn't just let her go.  
  
"So she was taken to the palace," I finished. "The prince married her, just as I knew he would. Now, they'll go off and live happily ever after. Do you ever worry that they will forget us? I loved Ella with all my heart and soul, but will time erase what we had? I wonder if she will forget all about me after she bears his children, becomes his queen."  
  
"I hope they do," Loria said, clasping her hands and resting her elbows on her knees. "I wouldn't wish Coren the pain that I feel right now. I know that I will never love again. I will be an old maid for the rest of my life. Even so, I do not wish that on him. I want him to be happy. If he cannot love her, at least he can be happy."  
  
I thought about that. Without Ella, my life would be life a winter day without sun. Why should she sufferer what I suffered through when she could be happy and just forget me. That was always what I wanted. Since I had met her, I had been angered when she was hurt or upset. I wanted to make things right for her and see her smile. Deep in my heart, I still wanted that. Now, she would have to be happy without me.  
  
"Yes. I understand. This burden is not for them to bear. We will be the keepers of memories, bittersweet though they may be. Even with all the love I have for her, I want her to be happy. It would be better if she just forgot me. Even so, that won't stop me from loving her forever, with all my heart."  
  
"Nothing can stop love," Loria said. "Nothing can keep me from loving Coren. I will keep my promises to him. Just as you should keep your promises to her. Love lasts forever. It can not be changed. Love is an anchor in a sea of discord. This love will last, no matter how much it hurts."  
  
I watched around the corner as people began to come out of the church. Ella was standing there in her magnificent white silk wedding dress. She was so lovely, a sparkling diamond tiara upon her head and royal necklaces draped about her neck. I knew that she saw me as well, and our eyes locked for that fleeting moment in time. Those sparkling pools of azure were so sad. The sight of her broke my heart, but I still looked on her, memorizing everything.  
  
I will always see her in my dreams and in my mind, every second of every day. I will always remember the way she used to smile at me. I cherish every one of them even more now. I will always remember the first time we met. I will always remember the sound of her voice and the way she sang so beautifully. I will always remember the way she looked so lovely, coming down the staircase. I will always remember her looking as if she were ready to grow wings fly away at any moment, just like a river faery out of legend. Most of all, I will always remember the way we danced. For the rest of my life, I will hear her voice saying, "I love you, too, Lucian."  
  
"Forget me," I said, hoping that she would understand. I turned away, a single tear rolling down my cheek as I walked away. "Forget me." 


End file.
